Some of my best and most vivid school memories are of field trips and, as a parent, I love the opportunity to volunteer off campus, do something out of the everyday, or see things in a new and unexpected way. Some excursions are more novel than others but there is almost nothing as tried and true as a trip to the zoo. I have a complicated relationship with zoos. We were Zoo Members when the children were small and went with as much relative frequency as can be expected when you live in a place that is often overwhelmingly hot. As time went on, and I felt increasingly melancholy about the fact that huge and majestic animals were often confined to small spaces way outside of their preferred climate, the trips decreased before stopping entirely. So it was only my FOMO (fear of missing out) that found me entering into the chaperone lottery and as luck would have it, I was chosen. I was not particularly looking forward to the destination or to riding the bus as I generally suffer from motion sickness when I am not behind the wheel. Unfortunately, the bus driver could not be persuaded to let me take over and I quickly chomped on some Dramamine as I navigated my way all the way to the back where my son was waiting to share his seat with me. Oh the sounds and smells of fourth grade boys.... Upon arrival, the only direction for the day was to be back at the gate at the prescribed time. With that, I was given a troop of kids to entertain for three hours and because I like to "come from a place of yes," I wanted to help my young charges have the best day ever. The first thing that I did was take their picture so that I would have something to show in case we were separated. I highly recommend this any time you have kids in your care out and about in the world. You probably have thousands of pictures of your kids on your phone (yes thousands, I know you do, too) but no recollection of what they are wearing today and not a clue what color eyes the child you just met has. Because I had never met a few of the boys, I was worried that I would not be able to describe them accurately in an emergency situation. So, we paused for a picture at the entrance and were ready for anything. The next thing we did was come up with a team name. I wanted something that I could use to call them quickly rather than having to rattle off all of their very new to me names. The boys settled happily on the "Rhinoceraptors" and answered to it all day afterward. Fourth Grade is the sweet spot of elementary school. They are old enough to handle any bathroom situations that may arise, they can carry on a conversation about a variety of topics, they are decent listeners and usually willing participants, and they are not yet consumed by the need to fit in. Not all field trips come with as much freedom as this one and so I took the opportunity to allow the boys to create the layout for the day. We pored over the map for a fair amount of time as each boy choose which animal he most wanted to see. I had asked them to consider which exhibit they felt that they simply had to see that day and we circled the location of their favorite on the map. Then I asked if we should walk to the furthest one and work our way back or find them as we went along. They choose to march directly to the most distant spot and we set out on our adventure. The most important part of this strategy was that the boys agreed that if one of them was looking at their chosen animal, we had to allow them the time to enjoy it, we would not rush him, and we had to be patient and kind knowing that everyone would get his turn. This was enough to lend some loose structure to the day and made them feel as if each had a hand in planning the fun. I believe that allowing children to make choices whenever possible helps to build their confidence and leadership skills. Patience is also something that you have to develop and strengthen. There are fewer ways than ever before to nurture these traits so when the chance presents itself, you have to take it. And you don't have to wait to be responsible for the safety of other people's babies to implement this into your life. Next time you go to a museum as a family, or choose a movie to watch, or plan a day trip, or create the menu for the week, let everyone weigh in with the one thing that they just have to see or want to try. There is always more to learn about your favorite people, particularly because they are in a constant state of growth and development. What was true and solid last week may have already changed entirely, so be sure to check in often. Doing only that will make even your hundredth trip to the zoo more engaging and fresh and you just may be surprised by what they choose!
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If you are "of a certain age" you might remember a time when not everyone was given a Valentine in school. It was not all that different from picking teams in gym class or handing out birthday invitations on the playground but completely barbaric by the standards of today. At that age, I was not popular but rather well liked and still the collection of red and pink hearts piled on the edge of my desk was, in general, decidedly modest. Even after the rule change that ushered in a kinder gentler era when anyone bringing something in to school had to have enough for the whole class to share, I would watch as classmates gave the least desirable card in the pack to the kids who struggled the most socially. For some reason that I will never comprehend, there was always one or two lousy designs that no wanted to give or get and, with significantly fewer choices then, one could receive a whole slew of those to remind them just where they fit in the class hierarchy. It was tough to stomach at the time and heartbreaking to think back on now. I often wonder how it shaped their lives to be treated so callously even when someone was outwardly showing them a kindness. With this in mind, as a young parent, I would sit down to the monumental task of helping my preschoolers write their names with huge crayons on impossibly minute cards. I would encourage my small children to think about who it would mean the most to be given the very best card in the pack. When they grew older, I taught them to look for the classmate who was sitting alone at lunch and choose the seat beside them, making sure to remind them to do this as often at the end of the school year as I did in the beginning. I asked them to include as many people as possible in their games on the playground even if that meant changing what they were playing. We invited the entire class to our birthday parties and we showed up to theirs. I still try to model these lessons as much as possible. Give the prettiest card away, ask the mom who just moved here to join your PTA Board, include as many people as possible in everything you do, say yes to the invitation even when it would be so nice to sit on your couch and binge all five seasons of that show everyone is always talking about. It is incredibly easy to find ways to share the love throughout the year. Smile at babies so that they learn people are usually kind, hold the door for that mama with her hands full, be patient when you are behind someone writing a check in Target, teach your children to do the same. And, like my youngest who still gets to carefully choose Valentines to bring to school, make sure you have enough of whatever you bring to the table to go around and add a little extra something special for those who need it most.
Today, while I am working on the roughly thousand tasks I set each day to build my business, I am also trying to accomplish what I generally do over the weekend- prepping for the coming week by writing a menu and grocery list, flipping laundry from the washer to the dryer in an endless cycle, planning the logistics of getting everyone to all of their activities, practices and meetings.... There are several reasons that I had to change up the routine of doing this on Sunday but the main driver is that it's a volleyball weekend. Most parents I know spend their Saturdays and Sundays pacing on the sidelines, packed into the stands, sitting in auditoriums, or wilting in a natatorium, and thinking of the relaxing weekends of their youth in memoriam. We schlep gear and snacks and water, so much water, in our cars which have become dining halls, and locker rooms, and dorms combined into one rolling circus with all of the chaos, the noise, and the smells that accompany that. We rise before dawn and drive our athletes and mathletes, our soloists and set designers from there to here and here to there, racking up just over 14,000 miles in six months of driving a radius of about a dozen blocks from our front door. (That is not just me, right? Please tell me that it is not just me.) But, if we do have a moment to contemplate, as miles pass by our windows and our coffee grows cold, we know that this time will end. Just as football is replaced with play practice which turns to track try outs and then club ball, so too will this season of life fly by. Someday, in the very near future, that sleeping child in the back seat who is all angles and elbows and neglected hair with sneakers that smell so horrible I can hardly breathe, will be driving herself to all of the things. So many things my poor paper calendar can no longer keep up. If this is what we have traded our leisure time for, what they will remember of their childhood, what our family memories will center around, then we had better make it count. So, we talk, a lot, on the drives. Not a recap of the missed block, or the lack of focus, or the forgotten socks- those talks will steal your joy- but about who they have lunch with, what is happening in theater class, and the terrible song choices the choir director made for the upcoming concert. Sometimes we tackle the really tough conversations because sitting in separate rows and facing the same direction offers a little shelter from the exposure. More often, though, this is when I learn the most about them. If you happen to stumble upon an few minutes of enchantment where your child inexplicably opens up, be still, and for goodness sake don't startle them and break the spell. Listen. Really take it in. My advice for this weekend, as you head out to help your child chase their dreams, is to take a moment and ask what they are doing in PE class, or what it is like moving through the halls in a school with nearly 2,000 kids, or what their favorite meme is right now. Carve out a little space to find out what is important in your child's world this very moment because the that is where the magic lives.
Often the first daydreams we have of what our children will become is of teaching them to do something that we love. Elaborate and detailed reveries, with a misty soft focus and swelling soundtrack, swirl as we imagine an miniature version of ourselves throwing the perfect spiral, making a drip castle in the sand, baking cookies from a recipe that has been passed down through the generations. Of course, the reality of these touchstone moments usually plays out a bit differently. The tiny person you gave birth to thinks football is "weird," they would never sit down in the sand because it's "dirty," and they "don't like" cookies. What? The thing is, your child may look like a small copy of you or they may not resemble you in any way. It is possible that they will enjoy the same things as you but it is a lot more fun for them to pretend that they don't.
Hanging beside the "hideout" that we had specifically built into our home and painstakingly outfitted with toys, games, and cable TV, is a small canvas sign. No one ever sees it because, of course, the children carved out their own spaces and never use the spot that I designated for them. But I know that it is there. Small and glittered, it reads, "A person's a person no matter how small- Dr Seuss." While, I originally bought it for my kids to remind them of their place in the world, it has actually become a prompt for me. We do share a few passions- travel, art, and a deeply obsessive love of Harry Potter. And we also have a number of similar interests that bring us together such as cooking and The Goldbergs. But, for the most part, our interests are not the same. I can not listen to another word about Star Wars, not.one.more. And, for the love, never ask me to play Monopoly again, ever, it makes us bad people and I can not stand by and pretend that is all right. But, explain the rules of volleyball to me again? Yes, please. You want to see the new Egyptian exhibit at the museum? Again? Of course, get your shoes. And your jacket. Have you brushed your teeth? Today? Well then, let's go. While it is soul satisfying to see your child take up the mantle and carry on for you, it is so much more important to learn to revel in the path that they forge themselves. That may find you sitting for three hours watching other people's children spell at a Bee or freezing on the sidelines of a soccer game that you woke up at 5 am to get to on time but watching your children shine in ways that you never imagined is where the magic of parenting lives. To that end, I would encourage you to challenge yourself to try something that your kids love this week. It can be as simple as having them teach you how to play a game on their Nintendo 3DS or trying their "specialty" sandwich (good luck with that). Doing so will instill a sense of pride and confidence in your child, regardless of their age. You never know, you may just grow to love whatever it is, yourself! When the summer begins, I am almost euphoric. No one could be more ready than I am for that last bell to ring on the final afternoon on school. So charmed am I by the prospect of long lazy hours filled with the happy sound of my children's laughter and hours spent basking in the sun, I nearly forget just how much daylight there is in each stretched out day. When my kids were younger, and I was a rookie mama, I would try to fill their time from sun up to sun down. As they have gotten older, though, I realized that is not a break for anyone. I highly recommend that you learn to steel yourself to the dreaded chorus "I'm bored," because overcoming boredom is actually a pretty useful life skill. And, I will let you in on a secret that I rarely admit - I can count on one hand the amount of times I have actually heard either of my children utter that phrase. I would like to use this space to help share tips that have helped my family create days anchored by special moments. The goal, for me, is not to schedule a non stop parade of activities, which is not only exhausting but expensive, but rather to find time within each day to do something memorable. Making summer meaningful and fun does not have to be a daunting task and I am so excited to be your campLEADer!
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AuthorAngie Kunkel is a mother of two who wants to share her passion for creating amazing experiences and memories to help you have the best summer ever (all year long)! |